Everyone we met on Capitol Hill is concerned about the nursing shortage. There’s a crisis looming, so I’ve been giving a lot of thought to ways of dealing with the shortage. The best way to solve the nursing shortage is to pass the National Nurse Act, but until then I’ve come up with some inventive ways of dealing with the nursing shortage.

Fast Tract Nursing Programs:

One solution to the nursing shortage is to produce nurses more quickly. I suggest getting rid of all nursing programs, and replacing them with a condensed ten-week course. We can start by placing this ad in Nursing Spectrum Magazine, Nurse Week, and Advance Magazine for Nurses. Then I think we should follow up by getting a study published in one of the nursing journals touting the advantages of Fast Track nursing programs.


If mankind can clone sheep, why not clone nurses? This scientific break through would allow hospitals to get the nursing staff they need while saving money. Nurse recruiters would be obsolete, and hospitals would no longer have to offer competitive salaries to attract qualified nurses to their facilities. Need a nurse? Just add water to a prepared petre dish, stir gently, and incubate!

Recycling Retired Nurses:

It’s a fact, if everyone with a nursing background got back into the profession, the nursing shortage would be over. I think the first step we should take is to draft retired nurses and put them back to work. Look at this nursing home administrator. She’s telling a retired nurse living at her facility that she is passing meds today. Doesn’t our little old nurse look surprised? The administrator better look out. That nurse looks feisty.