Ladies, did you know that you are at higher risk for developing stress fractures because you drink cola, and that you should give it up?

Notice how the nurses are laughing. What, give up cola? Yeah, right!

According to researchers at the Jean Mayer USDA Human Nutrition Research Center on Aging at Tufts University, women who are worried about osteoporosis should switch to another beverage or limit their consumption of cola to occasional use. The suggestion that nurses give up their cola comes under the heading of “when hell freezes over.”

Trust me, things can get ugly if nurses don’t get their hit of high-octane fizzy sugar water. Super nurses lose their ability to outrun speeding bullets and outwork locomotives if they don’t get their cola. And you can forget about asking a nurse to jump over a tall building at a single bound. No one jumps like that without caffeine.

If researchers think women shouldn’t drink cola, maybe one of them can develop a diet supplement that tastes like Coke.

Coke–it’s the real thing.