My favorite drug rep works for Johnson and Johnson. He learned from our psychiatrist that we didn’t receive anything for Christmas from our hospital administrator, Mr. Grinch, so he came to our unit bearing gifts. What a great guy! He gave us a Christmas card along with a big box filled with pens, notepads, paperclip holders, clocks, and clipboards. We loved all of his gifts, but we were especially delighted to receive Johnson and Johnson’s new goodie, Invega popcorn. Our drug rep knows that nurses love to eat because we always whine at him if he doesn’t bring in Risperdal popcorn . We all looked forward to popping up some bags of the new popcorn after the patients turned in for the night, but our enthusiasm for the popcorn quickly went up in smoke.

Unfortunately, I must give the new popcorn a thumbs down. My opinion has nothing to do with the popcorn’s lack of active ingredients (see disclaimer printed on the side of the bag). I don’t like the popcorn because of all of the old maids. Unlike the Risperdal popcorn, the kernels in the Invega popcorn are old, and they won’t pop up. One nurse kept trying to re-pop the old maids, but had to stop when the paper popcorn bag started burning in the microwave oven. Security wasn’t happy when the smoke detector was activated. Neither was the fire department. Enough said.

We still love our drug rep, and we sent him a thank you note for his thoughtfulness. I’m sure that he didn’t know that he was giving us a fire hazard as a Christmas gift.