Do you remember the old Tarzan movies? There was always a guy in the movie playing the part of the Great White Hunter. He was a troublemaker. The Great White Hunter killed natives and poached wild jungle animals in Tarzan’s backyard. Tarzan didn’t like that, and he would swing out of the trees and kick the hunter’s butt. There was also a hungry lion hanging around that ate the hunter at the end of the movie. That was my favorite part because native killers and poachers suck. And speaking of poachers, did you know that some hospital administrators are trying to poach ER nurses from other facilities? Really! Just ask our hospital administrator, Mr. Grinch.
It’s a fact, ER nurses are super stars. Having a heart attack? No problem. An ER nurse will get you up and running in no time flat. Can’t breath? They will fix that, too, while doing twenty other things at once. And let me tell you, I’ve never met an ER nurse who takes crap. It’s really hard finding good ER staff, and hospitals are doing a lot of things to keep their ER nurses happy. The first thing that comes to mind is MONEY. Yes, it’s good to be paid what you’re worth. Here at the Greatest Hospital in the World, Mr. Grinch came up with a plan, and offered ER nurses a whopping $15 dollar an hour differential for working in our emergency room. This bonus was referred to as a “critical need” differential. In other words, Mr. Grinch started paying top dollar for top talent, and needless to say, the talent came bursting into the nurse recruiter’s office when word got out about the differential. Mr. Grinch built up a top-notch ER staff in no time at all, but there was a flaw in his plan. He didn’t bother telling anyone that the differential was only temporary. It dried up just after a few months. The ER nurses were not amused with Mr. Grinch’s shenanigans, so they all walked out of the Greatest Hospital in the World and started working at the Hospital Down the Road.
Mr. Grinch was beside himself. He wasn’t happy about the mass exodus by his emergency room nurses, so he went looking for his wayward staff. He took a road trip with the intention of poaching a few nurses and bringing them back to his hospital. After arriving at the Hospital Down the Road, Mr. Grinch blew past the triage area, and walked up to his former staff members who were sitting at the nurses station. The nurses just stared at him in disbelief. Mr. Grinch said that he wanted to be their friend, and that all would be forgiven if they came back to the Greatest Hospital in the World. He even said that he would even give back their critical need differential just because he wanted to make them happy. The oldest nurse in the bunch told him to get the hell out of their ER before she called security to have him escorted off of hospital property.
Poor Mr. Grinch has something in common with the Great White Hunter. Lions eat the poachers, and nurses do, too.