Are you old enough to remember Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C ? The show’s tagline was, “Surprise, surprise, surprise!” I wasn’t a fan of the show. Gomer’s tagline was irritating, and the show quickly got on my nerves.

So, now that we’ve talked about Gomer, let’s talk about JCAHO. For those who don’t know, JCAHO is the boogieman of the hospital world. No one likes them because of their white glove inspections, and because hospitals don’t know when JCAHO is coming unless someone tips them off. Last weekend, the Greatest Hospital in the World received a tip from the Hospital Down the Road that JCAHO was in town and was heading our way. All the mangers came in over the weekend and made my life miserable. Did you know that no hospital supplies can be stored within 18 freaking inches of the ceiling. I literally saw nursing managers up on ladders measuring the piles of crap that we store on top of wall cabinets. My boss looked really nervous. I know that she was praying that JCAHO didn’t arrive over the weekend while I was at work. She knows that I give honest answers to honest questions, and hospitals NEVER want their employees to give honest answers to JCAHO. Here’s the standard script that nurses are given when JACHO comes to town:

JCAHO: Hello nurse, do you give good quality care at your hospital?

Nurse: Yes, we do. I love working at the Greatest Hospital in the World. We rock!

Yeah, I’m not saying that. There’s no way that I could say that kind of stuff with a straight face, but I digress. It turned out that The Greatest Hospital in the World received bad information from the Hospital Down the Road. JCAHO never arrived and they have taken off to parts unknown. Now, let’s get back to Gomer. I think Gomer Pyle would make a great JCAHO employee. He is irritating, he gets on people’s nerves, and his tagline would make him a fantastic inspector.

Surprise, surprise, surprise!