Sanity is madness put to good use. – George Santayana
The Grinch’s Christmas Gift
9Dec2008 Author: Mother Jones, RN
Well, hello there. I’m not sure who you are, but I think that this is the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship. Keep those gifts and candy canes coming!
Meet Little Baby Jones. I was two years old in this picture, and I was totally in love with Santa Claus. I remember my mom plopping me on this guy’s lap and standing behind the camera calling my name, begging me to look into the camera. No deal! I was too busy looking at his fake beard (I remember I thought it looked really strange), and staring into his big blue eyes. I bet I asked Santa for a baby doll and a nurse’s kit.
Every year, I’ve been telling you about my Christmas adventures at the Greatest Hospital In the World. You can read about my past Christmas adventures here and here. There has been a cosmic shift this year at the Greatest Hospital In the World. The employees received a letter from Mr. Grinch. This is what it said:
Dear Valued Employees:
Another year has come and gone at the Greatest Hospital In the World, and just because I’m a great big wonderful guy, I’ve decided to give you a token of my appreciation.
On behalf of the Greatest Hospital In the World, I am pleased to present to you a CheapWay Gift Card. I’m cheap and nothing says penny pincher better than a CheapWay Gift Card.
Please enjoy this gift and I wish you and your family a happy and a healthy new year. Merry Christmas!
There’s been a lot of chatter around the nurses station about Mr. Grinch’s holiday spirit. Granted, the gift cards won’t buy much more than a quart of milk or a gallon of gas, but it’s a lot more than what we’ve gotten in the past. So far I’ve heard three viable theories as to why Mr. Grinch is opening up his wallet and spreading a little Christmas cheer.
1) The Barack Obama Theory:
Some people believe that President-elect Barack Obama is having an impact on Mr. Grinch. They think that Mr. Grinch is giving away gift cards because President-elect Obama wants rich people to spread the wealth. I don’t believe it. I saw a McCain bumper sticker on Mr. Grinch’s very expensive car during the last election.
2) The Blackmail Theory
Now this theory is very intriguing. God knows that Mr. Grinch has a lot of enemies who would LOVE to find something to hold over his head. Maybe he got caught stealing cookies out of Santa’s cookie jar, or cheating with one of Santa’s little helpers. I don’t know what to think about these rumors. I hope he’s not cheating on Mrs. Grinch. She’d kill him.
3) The Spirit of Christmas Theory
A few people who believe in the power of good over evil believe that Mr. Grinch has found his heart and the Christmas spirit, and that’s why he gave out the gift cards. Bah-Humbug, Mr. Grinch doesn’t have a heart. There are some mysteries that can’t be solved. Merry Christmas from the Greatest Hospital in the World.
9 Responses to “The Grinch’s Christmas Gift”
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Disclaimer
There has been a lot of chatter in the blogosphere about medical bloggers and HIPAA regulations so let me make this very clear: I write composite stories about many different people that I've cared for over the years.
Elaine
December 9th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Love the pics. I remember one year when I happpened to be sitting at the same table as the Chairman of the Health Board for our wonderful Christmas lunch (it tasted like all institutional cookings of turkey and the trimmings, including overcooked brussels sprouts)
Anyway, back to the story: As the meal was being served, the Chairman produced a bottle of wine.
Sadly he did not have a corkscrew.
But he had not yet heard of the nurse who used to be a Girl
Guide and who carried a Swiss Army Knife, complete with corkscrew.
So, of course he had to pretend to smile as he poured us each a glass.
drofen
December 9th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Last year the hospital where my wife works gave out $450.00 gift cards to Walmart. To every single employee, from enviromental services to administration.
We were floored.
Usually she gets a lunchbox or a camping chair.
Drugmonkey, Master Of Pharmacy
December 10th, 2008 at 12:54 am
Mother,
There are three forces that explain 99% of everything that happens on the planet.
Laziness, Incompetence, and Money.
Laziness is out in this case, as it would have actually taken work to acquire and distribute the cards.
Incompetence is a possibility, as perhaps the cards were meant for someone else or otherwise misordered. The ego of someone in the position of bigwig at greatest hospital in the world would then prevent him from admitting a mistake was made.
Money however, is the most likely possibility. My first guess is some sort of kickback from Cheapway. Or perhaps a tax advantage for Scrooge or The Greatest Hospital in The World.
Enjoy your milk.
tammy swofford
December 10th, 2008 at 6:51 am
Mother Jones:
I await our “holiday gift card”. Yes, fellow slaves. Our hospital gives a holiday card to cover Thanksgiving and Christmas. My guess is next year they will make sure we know it also includes Easter and Halloween. So…. what is the amount which they believe will bring a tear to our eyes and hope to our souls?
TWENTY DOLLARS! Thank God the local Target is only a few miles from my home. I hate to waste the gas to just purchase a few snack items or perhaps a knock-off perfume.
As Oliver Twist said, “More porridge, please?”
Tammy
kris
December 10th, 2008 at 10:22 am
we get a gift card to a grocery store…i buy booze
Kristi
December 10th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
You got a gift? From the hospital? WOW!
Now let me think back to my hospital years……free cafeteria lunch at one hospital (until they decided it was too expensive to….ya know….feed the employees)….and a 10 pound turkey at another…..and that was only once, mind you….which equaled about $2.50 at the time.
Give or take.
RehabRN
December 11th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Last year, we got a holiday message on our pay stubs from Saintarama–and a note that said they cared so much that the big boss paid the taxes on that $25 so we didn’t have to. Cheap message, too, since they didn’t need to send a card, either.
It could mean a number of things, including Big Boss was getting paid too much, which may be why they had to re-org Saintarama this year.
Our immediate manager gave us the most precious gift– the promo DVD about Saintarama with a holiday pen…priceless.
I work for the government now, so I don’t expect much. Upping our base pay a few weeks ago by $2K was good enough for me.
Mrs. Not-so-domesticated
December 12th, 2008 at 9:07 am
I’m a daily follower of your blog and I think its fabulous. Normally I only read but today I thought I’d comment…
The fabulous hospital I work for sent out an email about the “changes” for this years holiday season. Apparently this year due to the “nation’s economic crisis”, the hospital is going to “reduce” expenses…they will not be having any holiday parties…which only the big wigs were invited to anyways, and they will no longer be having the employee holiday meal, which is only served one day (not actually on a holiday either) so if your not working, you wouldn’t get it anyways… but don’t fret, because they will still be giving out the annual holiday turkey, which convienently comes after thanksgiving, but a few weeks before christmas…
And please feel free to host individual unit parties, pot lucks, and gift exchanges…anything that is “not an expense to the organization”.
Keep your turkey.
Mother Jones, RN
December 12th, 2008 at 9:32 am
I knew that hospital administrators were going to start using our “national economic crisis” as an excuse to cut down on Christmas expenses…like there were any expenses to cut down in the first place. Cheap rats!
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