Last night while I was leaving work, I saw two policemen dragging a woman into the emergency room. She was in handcuffs, and judging by her stench I’m guessing that her blood alcohol level was rather obscene. She was screaming and kicking, and she wasn’t saying Happy New Year. Her eyes locked on me. Then she told me that she was the first-born daughter of God. She said that God had told her that my hair was going to fall out, my skin was going to turn purple, and that a great flood was going to wash my house away in 2009. Bummer. I wonder what I did to piss God off.

Happy New Year!