I got really upset when I read that Steve Jobs is taking a medical leave of absence from Apple. There has been a lot of speculation about his health. He keeps losing weight, so Steve is stepping down as CEO and Tim Cook is taking his place. Of course we all hope that Steve regains his health and comes back to Apple very soon. In the meantime, I want to do my part to help Steve get better, so I’m applying to work as his private duty iNurse.

An iNurse is a health care professional who loves Apple products, and who uses the nursing process while caring for our patients. We use only Apple products in our personal lives and would never think of buying any Microsoft products. iNurses love Steve Jobs and are devoted members of the Apple family. Some people refer to us as a cult. These words are harsh. We are a family. Bill Gates is Satan.

I’m not only a psych nurse, Steve. I also have an extensive background in medical/surgical nursing. I’m also a huge fan-girl who would make a great personal assistant because I love everything that comes from the Apple Store. Wages are negotiable. Call me. I’ll send you my resume and references upon request.