Sanity is madness put to good use. – George Santayana
Choosing Between Dog Ownership and Marriage
9Feb2009 Author: Mother Jones, RN
One of my girlfriends just bought a house. She’s been talking about buying one ever since I met her seven years ago and she finally took the plunge. She really loves her new place except for one thing. It feels empty, so she’s thinking about buying a dog or finding a husband so she won’t feel lonely anymore. Of course she asked me for my opinion on this very important issue. Let’s look at the facts.
Dogs and husbands have a lot in common. We must give our new dog or husband a lot of our time and attention if we want to build a relationship with them. Both need training. There is nothing worse than having a dog or a husband that is unruly and tries to takeover the house. Housebreaking your dog or husband is essential. I suggested that my friend buy a dog if she didn’t have time to train a husband to put his dishes in the dishwasher or pick his underwear up off of the floor. At least you can put your dog in a crate when YOU need a break.
There are other things you need to consider when choosing between a dog and a husband:
Roaming dogs bring home fleas. Roaming husbands bring home other vermin and communicable diseases.
Dogs urinate on fence posts. Husbands urinate on the toilet seat.
Scruffy dogs are cute. Scruffy men just look scruffy.
Getting rid of a bad husband is complicated because you can’t take him to the dog pound. You have to take them to court.
My girlfriend is still trying to decide what to do. I’m giving her a copy of No Bad Men. She needs all the help she can get.
Editor’s note: All comments containing the word “bitch” will be deleted.
16 Responses to “Choosing Between Dog Ownership and Marriage”
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Disclaimer
There has been a lot of chatter in the blogosphere about medical bloggers and HIPAA regulations so let me make this very clear: I write composite stories about many different people that I've cared for over the years.
Jean-Luc Picard
February 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
No one would dare write a book called ‘Training Women’
Mental P Mama
February 9th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Tell her to get the dog. Seriously. A husband can always be added in later if need be.
Strong One
February 9th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
OUCH.
Chuck R.
February 10th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Just get a boyfriend. They are easier to exchange later on.
Becky
February 11th, 2009 at 2:05 am
I’d get a cat.
Mike
February 11th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Husbands may not all be what they seem to be but at least you can claim them as a tax deduction.
Kim
February 12th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I have a husband, seven cats and two dogs. The cats and the dogs have one advantage over the husband – they don’t try and control the remote.
I had to buy an HDTV just for myself just so I could watch NASCAR. Seriously. Do NOT get between me and my racing – hubby’s wounds are just now healing…. : D
Oh, and PS, the cats are much more demanding than Hubby.
Barbara K.
February 14th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Most dogs can be amazing companions. It’s much harder to find the right man.
Jo
February 15th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Go for the dog. I’ve had both, and the dog takes up less room. He also eats only once a day and doesn’t run the car out of gas.
Plus, you can’t leave a husband out in the yard all day without somebody calling the cops.
Christine G.
February 16th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
This discussion is not quite as pathetic as the choice between getting a dog and having a baby. I’m torn between saying, “Choose the husband/baby and do dogs a favor,” and “Choose the dog and do humanity a favor.”
A third option might be to offer to walk the neighbour’s dog. However, do NOT sleep with your neighbour’s husband or expect him to become your handyman!
BTW, I’ve posted the URL of this blog in a prominent place on my new website. I don’t think you need the traffic, but I want to share.
Hope
February 25th, 2009 at 12:39 am
wow, how bitter is THAT, Christine G.? Perhaps it’s even MORE pathetic that gender issues have put us in such a position? Or that society has changed so much that raising a baby is horrifically difficult, and what are the odds you’re even going to LIKE the kid after you have it?
Same with husbands. I’m sticking with the dog. He’s the only creature that has consistently EARNED my love and respect. Except when he rolls in stuff. But then I just hose him down in the yard. AND he never complains about dinner.
Christine G.
February 25th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Yeah — I’m getting old and crabby! I got rid of two dogs (once because we were moving into, but I still have the husband I started with, and both my kids are still speaking to me.
Christine G.
February 25th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
(Please excuse — or delete if you can — my previous garbled post. My finger was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The corrected version follows.)
Yeah — I’m getting old and crabby! I resented the male dominance of the Fifties, but I like what’s happening now even less. If I don’t remember to laugh, I’ll cry, and who likes that?
Despite my allegation that I like dogs better than I like people, I got rid of two dogs (once because we were moving into a pet-free zone, and once because we had an allergic toddler), but I still have the husband I started with (ten years ago, he started cooking dinner instead of complaining about it).
Love is a gift. Respect and trust have to be earned, by both dogs and people.
Chuck R.
February 25th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
“I resented the male dominance of the Fifties, but I like what’s happening now even less.”
I don’t follow you, Christine G. Could you explain? How are current women’s issues worse than in the 1950′s?
Christine G.
February 25th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Male-bashing seems to be politically correct these days. Men are not to blame for everything — it was a team effort. I think we need to get our act together and start drawing on each other’s strengths. (That’s what my husband told me shortly after we got married.)
As Jean-Luc pointed out above, a book about training women would be considered in dangerously bad taste nowadays. In popular entertainment, it seems to be more amusing when a woman hits a man than when a man hits a woman. As for finding shelter and public support for an abused male — that’s practically the impossible dream.
Like most women, I take potshots at men from time to time. But I hope that they realize that they are welcome to retaliate in kind, in the spirit of the game.
Oops — this is getting heavy. Does anybody out there have a good, clean and hysterically funny joke on this topic?
SaltRose
May 30th, 2009 at 4:47 am
Christine, you seem to treat dogs like disposable commodities – “got rid of” indeed! and then you talk about love being a gift, et al. Hm.