Extra, extra, read all about it! A local tabloid newspaper printed a story last week about Mr. Grinch, the CEO at the Greatest Hospital in the World. The story spilled the beans about Mr. Grinch’s paycheck. He makes over a half million dollars a year. The story also revealed the hefty salaries and compensation packages given to other hospital executives. Mr. Grinch is living the high life while the rest of us are working our butts off for slave wages. Needless to say, the nurses are pissed off.

I didn’t know about the article until I read an inner office email sent to the staff by Mr. Grinch. This is what it said:

Dear GHW Family:

As you may know, a story about the GHW was published in a local rag newspaper. I am personally saddened about the portrayal of our organization because the story makes me look like a jerk, which I will not confirm or deny because my lawyer told me to keep my mouth shut. The hospital didn’t participate in this article nor did we provide information to the paper. We aren’t that stupid. The information included comes from publicly reported data on our hospital’s Form 990, which is the tax form filed by non-profit organizations. The newspaper took publically available data, retold it in a negative way, and took everything out of context. Newspaper bad. Hospital good.

Who are you going to believe? Trust me. I’m the guy who signs your paycheck. I am constantly impressed by the strength of our hospital family and our ability to stand together in the face of challenges and adversity.

Hugs and kisses, Mr. Grinch

He called us family. How sweet. I thought we were just “valued employees.” I guess he is just showing us how much he cares when he makes us work harder with less staff. After all, they say that adversity builds character. And shame on that newspaper for trying to confuse readers with the facts. That’s just rude.

I’m sure that our hospital PR department is working overtime this week trying to put the shine back on Mr. Grinch’s fake halo. I’d love to throw a pie in Mr. Grinch’s face. It’s OK. He’s family.