Nurse Ratched’s Place

Meet Dr. Diapers. Isn’t he a cutie? Dr. Diapers had better enjoy his childhood now because he isn’t going to be very happy when he grows up. He and the rest of his generation are going to be paying off the bill for the national bailout package until the day they die. Thank you, Congress.

My mom sent me an email about doctors’ opinions about the financial bailout package. Enjoy.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, ‘Over my dead body!’ while the Pediatricians said, ‘Oh, Grow up!’

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, ‘This puts a whole new face on the matter.

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought t he whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some assholes in Washington.

That about covers it…

I got really upset when I read that Steve Jobs is taking a medical leave of absence from Apple. There has been a lot of speculation about his health. He keeps losing weight, so Steve is stepping down as CEO and Tim Cook is taking his place. Of course we all hope that Steve regains his health and comes back to Apple very soon. In the meantime, I want to do my part to help Steve get better, so I’m applying to work as his private duty iNurse.

An iNurse is a health care professional who loves Apple products, and who uses the nursing process while caring for our patients. We use only Apple products in our personal lives and would never think of buying any Microsoft products. iNurses love Steve Jobs and are devoted members of the Apple family. Some people refer to us as a cult. These words are harsh. We are a family. Bill Gates is Satan.

I’m not only a psych nurse, Steve. I also have an extensive background in medical/surgical nursing. I’m also a huge fan-girl who would make a great personal assistant because I love everything that comes from the Apple Store. Wages are negotiable. Call me. I’ll send you my resume and references upon request.

Meet Bernard Madoff, or at least I think this is Bernard. According to Bernard’s lawyers, this may be one of his alters. Just in case you don’t know, Bernard Madoff has been accused of being the world’s biggest scammer. Government prosecutors want to throw Bernard in jail and throw away the key because they claim that he defrauded investors of over $50 billion in a Ponzi scheme.

If you thought this story couldn’t get any weirder, get ready for his alibi. Reports are circling the Internet that Madoff’s lawyers are thinking about using an insanity defense to keep their client out of jail. They may argue that Madoff had a “mental break” somewhere along the way, and is now suffering from diminished capacity, or from multiple personality disorder. Some are even suggesting that dear old Bernie is suffering from dementia or from bipolar disorder. Madoff’s lawyers might even argue that he committed the fraud because he was traumatized by an early-life event, such as an over bearing mother. Take note. We are about to witness a new legal precedence. The Jewish Mother Defense.

This is wrong on so many levels. Really. Throw em’ in jail!

It’s been a wild ride for my family and me over the last couple of weeks, and I want to thank everyone for their supportive emails. I’ve gotten some time to catch up on the news while I’ve been sick. There’s a lot stuff going on out there in the world. Some of it is really getting nasty. The World Health Organization said that the economic upheaval would push people to the brink, but I never thought that its impact on people’s mental health would reach so far up the economic food chain.

I’m really amazed by all the high profile suicides that are hitting the headlines. This is scary stuff. The first suicide that grabbed my attention involved the death of French investment manager Rene-Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet. He was found sitting at his desk with both wrists slashed after Bernard Madoff swindled him out of $1.4 billion. Then German billionaire Adolf Merckle committed suicide. The pharmaceutical mogul jumped in front of a train in the darkness near his villa in the southern town of Blaubeuren. He killed himself because his business empire was falling apart.

Every suicide is tragic, so what draws our attention to the news when someone who is rich and famous commits suicide? I think it’s because people believe that the rich are different from the rest of us. They aren’t. People commit suicide because of loss, and the wealthy have their own set of problems. Of course they aren’t going to end up sleeping on a park bench and eating out of a garbage can, but their life can stink just as bad as anyone else’s. People are losing their homes, their jobs, and everything they’ve worked for all of their lives. Even the rich and famous are under siege. I think that we’re going to read about more billionaires killing themselves before this economic tailspin is all over. The real shame is that we are never going to hear about the little guys that couldn’t take it anymore.

Last night while I was leaving work, I saw two policemen dragging a woman into the emergency room. She was in handcuffs, and judging by her stench I’m guessing that her blood alcohol level was rather obscene. She was screaming and kicking, and she wasn’t saying Happy New Year. Her eyes locked on me. Then she told me that she was the first-born daughter of God. She said that God had told her that my hair was going to fall out, my skin was going to turn purple, and that a great flood was going to wash my house away in 2009. Bummer. I wonder what I did to piss God off.

Happy New Year!

Check out Nurse Dani Sutton. I wonder why she decided to become a nurse. Maybe she entered the nursing profession because she liked the cap and the cool nursing uniform. Or maybe it was because she wanted to find a handsome doctor who would rub her back. There are a lot of reasons why people go into nursing, especially during a recession. The nursing profession looks really good when you’re broke.

A lot of people have asked me why I became a nurse. I dropped out of college in 1974. I wanted to “find myself.” My timing was lousy. The only thing that I found was the back of the unemployment line. Factories and businesses in our town were shutting down because of a huge recession, so I had plenty of free time on my hands to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I slept in late and lived out of my parent’s refrigerator. I was lucky. My dad and mom said I could live at home just as long as I didn’t get too cozy in my old room.

My dad was a member of the Teamsters Union who had connections with a temp agency in town, so, from time to time, I’d get the opportunity to work my butt off in sweltering factories, freezing warehouses, and busy offices. I lifted heavy boxes, stuffed thousands of envelopes, punched countless computer cards, and occasionally deflected unwelcomed sexually advances from a few lecherous bosses. I also met a lot of miserable people. They clocked into work every morning and checked their souls in at the front door. This scared the hell out of me. Was I looking into my future? I talked to my dad about this and he told me to stop worrying so much. And then he asked, “When are you going back to school?”

I sat on the back porch everyday after work and waited for the paperboy to make his evening delivery. I’d open up the want ads and scan the paper. The only job that I thought I had a shot at was working as a certified nursing assistant, but there was a catch. I wasn’t certified as a nursing assistant. I was desperate, so I did what any red-blooded American girl would do. I begged my dad for ninety dollars to cover the cost of the twelve-week certification course, books, and a brand new pink student uniform. My dad was a very practical man. He pulled out his wallet and handed me the cash. He knew what he was really doing was handing me my future.

About three weeks into the class I was hooked. I wanted to become a nurse. My focus shifted from earning a buck to taking care of people, and since I come from a family of nurses, it was a natural fit. My dad told me that I would always have a roof over my head and food on my table by working as a nurse. I told you that he was a practical man. Nursing isn’t for everyone, but I think that more people are going to enter the profession as hard times trudge on. And who knows. Maybe someday someone else will be telling the story about how the great recession of 2008 guided them into nursing.

Welcome to the Christmas Edition of Change of Shift. Curious George and the man in the yellow hat are hosting this year’s holiday edition. I want to thank Kim from Emeriblog for allowing George to share his Christmas story with the readers of Change of Shift. George recently had a big adventure at a children’s hospital. Take a look.

Curious George loves Christmas trees, so the man in the yellow hat took Curious George Christmas tree shopping. Sounds like fun doesn’t it? During his big adventure, Curious George got, well, curious, and climbed into a tree that was cut down and delivered to a children’s hospital. Check out Curious George hanging from the tree. That’s something you don’t see everyday. Normal people with sharp brains don’t usually see monkeys hanging from Christmas trees. Alvaro Fernandez from Sharp Brains presents Cognitive screenings and Alzheimer’s Disease. Don’t worry. You really are seeing a monkey hanging in a Christmas tree.

I think Curious George would make a great travel nurse. He loves getting around and seeing the world. Bret Nellor presents Travel Nurse to Mission Control posted at Travel Nursing Blog. Bret talks about the importance of having a mission statement for our nursing career.

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Curious George decided to hop out of the tree and explore the hospital. It was a busy place, and there was a lot of things to see and do. He really loved looking at the x-rays. Curious George liked learning about new things just like Miss Elaine from miss-elaine-ious-rn. Miss Elaine is a big fan of continuing education. Learning new things isn’t just about monkey see, monkey do. Miss Elaine wants us to know that we need to hit the books.

Curious George is sitting by a little boy with a broken leg. That little boy is lucky. He will walk again and lead a happy normal life. Not everyone in a hospital is so lucky. Pam from Ten O’Clock Scholar writes a haunting post about a young man whose life will never be the same again.

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The doctors and nurses couldn’t keep up with Curious George. He was into everything but he was having a lot of fun. Unfortunately, hospitals aren’t fun and games for everyone, especially for children. Sometimes health care professionals are asked to answer tough questions. Jeanette Vaughan Duric, RN sent in a wonderful article that she wrote for MDA Publications. Her article describes how tough talks demand special skills.

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Then George found something very interesting. He found his Christmas tree. George knew that Christmas trees were supposed to have tinsel and twinkling lights and shiny ornaments. But this tree was empty. George thought and thought–and then he had an idea. He was an inventive little monkey who could solve almost any problem by using his critical thinking skills. Nurses are also using their critical thinking skills as a way of solving the nursing shortage. Strong One from My Strong Medicine sent in this post about a high school student who was invited to visit his workplace. The student spent a couple hours with with Strong One as part of her ‘job-shadowing’ project. Strong One also sent in this post about pens. Every nurse loves to find pens in their Christmas stockings.

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And then a nurse arrived and what did she see? A monkey making a big mess out of a Christmas tree. “Come along,” the nurse said, picking George up. “I’d better get you out of here before you can ruin anything else.”

I hope that the nurse used proper body mechanics when she picked George up off of the floor. We wouldn’t want her to hurt her back. Dean Moyer of The Back Pain Blog shares Part 4 in the series: What Causes Herniated Discs? This installment looks at Twisting and the Herniated Disc , and discusses a very common risk factor associated with disc failure.

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A group of children crowded around the nurse. They were all patients at the hospital. Even though it was almost Christmas, the children were not smiling or looking happy. Then a girl in a cast stared at George’s tree. She suddenly giggled. “Look,” she said. “It’s my x-ray!” A boy laughed. “And there’s a ballon from my room.” All the children started chattering and laughing as they looked at George’s funny decorations.

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“Can’t he stay for the party?” a boy asked the nurse. “Please let him stay! Please!” the other children chimed in.

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When she saw how happy the children looked, the nurse looked happier, too. “I suppose he can stay,” she said. “IF he promises to help fix the tree!”

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George was happy to help. The children helped, too. Some of them returned George’s decorations, while others handed George the real ornaments. He scampered up and down, stringing lights and hanging tinsel. Being a monkey, he was good at that sort of thing. He was also good at making the children laugh.

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When the tree was finished, George helped open the gifts. Check out all those gifts underneath the Christmas tree. Alisa Miller from USPharmD+ gave us an insightful post as her gift to Change of Shift. She gives us the gift of knowledge. Check out her list of the top 50 medical ethics blogs.

George was having such a good time that he completely forgot he was lost…

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…until the man with the yellow hat hurried into the room. “There you are, George!” he cried. “I followed that truck all the way here.” George was very happy to be reunited with his friend. The nurse invited them both to stay for milk and cookies.

Sandy Szwarc from Junkfood Science wonders if the online health information about the milk and those cookies is accurate. Information on a website can be deceiving.

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“Ho ho ho! Did someone mention milk and cookies?” A man in a red suit walked into the room, his belly jiggling. He was holding a beautiful golden star. George’s eyes widened. It was Santa Claus! “Who would like to put the star on top of the tree?” Santa asked. “George!” the children all cried at once. “Let George do it!”

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Geroge scurried up the tree one last time He put the golden star in place carefully. He turned to the crowd below and thanked everyone for stopping in for this year’s Christmas edition of Change of Shift. Next Change of Shift is being hosted by Crzegrl.net on January 8th. Happy holidays everyone!

I found this pod over at Current TV. It’s about Koor Garang, a nursing student who came to the US as a young boy from Sudan following a very long civil war. The pod is about five minutes long. Yeah, it made me cry. Merry Christmas.

Majel Barrett, the actress who played Nurse Chapel on Star Trek passed away this week on December 18th. She was 76 years old.

I wrote about Nurse Chapel when I first started Nurse Ratched’s Place. Nurse Chapel was always one of my favorite nurses because she could do anything. Well, almost anything. She could never get the attention of her heartthrob, Mr. Spock. I never figured out what she saw in that guy. What a cold fish.

Here’s to you, Nurse Chapel. You will be missed.

So much to blog, so little time. I haven’t had as much time to blog recently. I am no longer working my usual weekend shifts. The upside to this is that I have more time with my hubby on the weekends. The downside is that I have started working swing shifts. Ugh! I feel like I’m living in a state of permanent jet lag. It also means that I don’t have as much time to blog. I think I’m going through withdrawal. My hands are shaking and I have beads of sweat rolling down my forehead. Not that I’m addicted or anything. I can quit blogging whenever I want. Just sayin.’

As much as I may gripe about the Greatest Hospital In the World, I know I’m lucky. I have a job. Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America, by Barbara Ehrenreich, is one of my favorite books. It was written several years ago, but is more relevant today than ever. Life on my unit is now in full swing since the collapse of the US economy. Of course I cannot, nor will I ever talk about specific patient cases, but let’s just say that there are a lot of people out there freaking out since the housing market crashed, and business on our unit couldn’t be better. People are losing their financial security, and with it, their peace of mind. I’m hearing a lot of stories from patients that remind me of stories that my grandparents told me about the Great Depression.

I added a new website in my blogroll that addresses America’s new financial reality. Check out this picture from their blog. A couple of out of work journalists with a wicked sense of humor created my favorite new website. Unemploymentality is a website that documents the lifestyle of the unemployed. I think they should set up a PayPal account. They should at least get a little something for their effort. Check out their blog and leave a comment. Tell them Mother Jones, RN sent you.