Nurse Ratched’s Place

I’ve made a shocking discovery this week—I’m not a spring chicken anymore. I never think of myself as getting older, but this last week has taught me a valuable lesson. We lost power on Valentine’s Day, and my prince and I sat in our house, without power or heat, for 28 hours. Snuggling under the covers with the man of my dreams on Valentine’s Day by candlelight would have been a romantic adventure in youth, but now that I’m becoming an old hen, it wasn’t that much fun. Let’s face it, things change when we get older.

First, lets talk about arthritis. Cold weather makes joints hurt, so it’s tricky getting comfortable in each other’s arms when the old lumbago flares up. What does the pain feel like? Try piercing your nipples and holding this yoga position for eight hours, and you’ll get the idea. And forget about “dancing under the sheets” when you and your significant other are both in pain. When old folks hurt, no one is thinking about Viagra. Our drug of choice is Motrin.

Then there’s the issue of taking medications in the dark. Yes, my prince and I take a variety of “old people” pills to keep us going, and they all look the same when the lights are out. As I get older, I must have a lot of light when I’m reading the small print on pill bottles. A pair of flashlight shoes would have come in handy. Fortunately, my prince and I worked as a team, and we took our medications without a hitch. My prince was very careful about taking his pills. No man wants to call poison control because he overdosed on his wife’s Premarin.

I’m glad the ordeal is over, and that we are settling back into our routine. My prince is at work, and I’m back at the computer blogging. The house is warm and life is good. There is an upside to getting older. I’m excused for being cranky when the hospital calls asking me to work on my day off. I mean, really, what can they expect from an irritable old woman who isn’t a spring chicken anymore?

Hi everyone, and happy Valentine’s Day. I hope you’re keeping warm. What a miserable day. It’s cold, wet, the roads are slick with ice, trees are down, and the power is out. And of course, the hospital called. “Hi Mother Jones RN, we love you sooooo much, we’re willing to come to your home, and pick you up for work. We know you worked your butt off last weekend, and that it’s your day off, but will you come in oh valued employee?” I declined their generous offer. It’s too dangerous to be out on the roads, even in a 4 wheel drive truck.

There are two Valentine’s Day rules you must remember if you know a nurse. The first rule is about candy. Don’t get between a nurse and a box of chocolates. I promise you that things will get ugly if you take the last piece of candy without permission.

The second rule is about flowers. Gentlemen, if you want to make points with a nurse, send her roses when she is at work. The delivery of a dozen long stemmed red roses causes sheer pandemonium at the nurses station. The nurse receiving the flowers will be the envy of every other nurse on the unit, and you will be well “rewarded” for your thoughtfulness. And remember, if the nurse of your dreams is allergic to flowers, diamonds are always an excellent gift.

I have to run now, it’s time to throw another log on the fire.

The hospital where I work is putting its best foot forward in an effort to attract new “customers” to our doors. Gee, in the old days we use to call them patients. Oh well, the times are a changing. Too bad Conrad Hilton, the paternal great-grandfather to the infamous Paris Hilton, isn’t our CEO. He knew how to turn a buck while making his customers happy.

Our CEO is such a clever guy. He hired an expensive consulting firm that told him to add some patient friendly niceties to our hospital. “If you build it (or buy it), the customers will come,” said the consultant, and being an obedient fellow, our CEO went to work. Our hospital is beginning to resemble a Conrad Hilton Hotel. It’s bigger and prettier than ever before, and we now have wireless Internet access for our patients’ use. New patient rooms are equipped with flat-screen televisions, and there are plans to start up a valet service and a gourmet coffee bar in the lobby within the next few months. This sounds wonderful, but when I go to the hospital, I want good patient care, don’t you? To pay for the niceties, our CEO became a grinch. Remember Christmas? He is making nurses work harder with less staff, and patient satisfaction is declining. Patients stop noticing the wonderful flat-screen televisions when they have to wait a long time before a nurse is available to put them on a bedpan. I think most people would gladly trade in luxuries in exchange for good nursing care, but because our goal is to become more like a four star hotel, perhaps we can keep the luxuries and just hire bellhops to do patient care.

Come, be our guest!

Welcome to Change of Shift, Volume 1, Number 17. In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’m using some of my Harlequin Romance novels to accompany the posts. Yes, Harlequin Romance novels are cheesy, but I really enjoy reading about people who get to live happily ever after. I want to thank Kim at Emergiblog for allowing me to host Change of Shift. Check out her post about a commode. What we nurses won’t do for our patients. I also want to thank everyone who submitted their posts, and I apologize for not having enough space for all of the submissions that I received. I really enjoyed reading the submissions, and I hope that you enjoy reading them, too.

This book is about a couple of nurses who want to get on the good side of a grumpy, yet handsome, hot doctor. Yes, nurses strive to please doctors, but did you know that doctors work just as hard to stay on the good side of nurses? In his post Doctor vs. Nurse, Scalpel, from Scalpel or Sword , discusses his adventures with nurses who drive him a little crazy. He also talks about nurse-to-nurse lateral violence in the workplace. And speaking of lateral violence, Just Call Me Jo at Sinus Arrhythmia presents, Is it Really Eat the Young?

The Angry Medic wrote this post about a nurse with a hard, tough exterior, and a heart of gold. He says that she likes him. Well of course she likes you, Angry Medic. You’re a good guy. That’s why those nurses you write about on your blog want to drag you into the nearest closet just like you see on Grey’s Anatomy. You better watch out. One of those nurses that you are so fond of may have special plans for you on Valentine’s Day.

ERnursey writes about her relationship with an emergency room doctor who doesn’t always listen to the nursing staff. The poor fellow learns a painful lesson , no pun intended.

Nurse Roberts is a typical healthcare professional. Just like the rest of us, she strives to be professional around patients, even when it’s a difficult thing to do. Sometimes we want to laugh out loud, and sometimes we want to cry, but no matter what we may be feeling, we always wear our professional face. Susan Palwick from Rickety Contrivances of Doing Good writes about an incident when she was shocked by a patient’s physical appearance. Susan wants to know if others have ever had a similar experience.

On the lighter side, Nurse William gives us a sidesplitting commentary about patients who leave us all shaking our heads in dismay in his post, Behold, the Awesome Power of Human Stupidity. I think William has a future in stand-up comedy if he ever decides to leave nursing. Warning: Don’t drink anything while reading this post, otherwise you’ll be cleaning off your computer screen with Windex.

Girlvet, from Madness: Tales of an Emergency Room Nurse, presents, And Now the Next Contestant. She shares her observations about patients coming into her ER.

Nurse Sandra is calm and confident as she swaddles her tiny patient and holds him in her loving arms. You would never guess that she is swamped with work. The phone is ringing off the hook, call lights are going off, and there is a stack of orders waiting to be transcribed sitting on her desk. Maybe the doctor can stop posing long enough to give her a hand. Or maybe not. I bet the nurses won’t share their Valentine’s Day candy with him. We only share with special doctors, like the ones who give us the candy in the first place. Hint, hint….

At Your Cervix also had a busy day in L&D. She is a great team player , and I hope her colleagues appreciate her extra effort in making their day less stressful.

Labor Nurse proves that it is a small world in her post, The Red Thread. It’s a hauntingly beautiful story about how someone from her past reenters her life.

ApgaRN gives us a humorous glance at one mother-to-be in her post, Girls Just Wanna Have Babies. My heart goes out to Dear Hubby.

Doctor Geyer is working in his lab developing life saving medications for his patients while his nurse, who is standing by, is admiring the scenery. Yes, she’s in love with Dr. Geyer, but does he know that she even exists? She’s thinking about sending him flowers and a Valentine’s Day card. Maybe that will get his attention, or maybe she should lose her uptight pinafore and wear something a little more revealing.

Medications are a very important part of our patients’ care, and pharmacists are an essential part of the health care team. Drug Monkey proves that he is a very patient person in his post about a little old lady who wants the world to know that she is not a slut. It’s helpful to have a good sense of humor when you are at work. This is Drug Monkey’s first post at Change of Shift. Welcome aboard!

Disappearing John RN says he feels cheap in his post about drug reps. Personally, I’m all for free food and the other free goodies that drug reps bring to the unit when they present inservices about new medications. I especially like the Viagra pens, and the packages of microwave popcorn with the word “Risperdal” printed on the bags.

Just as Nurse Paula had passed her nursing and midwifery finals, her fiancé backed out of their engagement. Accompanied by her loyal friend Rosalind, Nurse Paula joined the Tasmanian Tourist Nursing Service. Good grief, I’d feel so out place if I lived in Tasmania. Patients can feel out of place, too, when they are in the hospital. The Mental from Certifiable Observations presents Relationships—Me and Them, in which she talks about her relationships with mental healthcare professionals. It’s a great read.

OncRN presents a wonderful story about how she and a special patient helped each other get through a difficult shift.

Beatrice Wayne, S.R.N., sat thinking, wondering what was happening at her old hospital. She was sad that she wasn’t having tea with her friends in the nurses’ lounge back home. Nurse Wayne was three thousand miles away from home, and she was having a difficult time with culture shock. Not to worry. It looks like she’s found a doctor that will help her feel better.

May, from about a nurse, is from the Philippines, and she describes her experience with culture shock in her post, 30 minutes. It’s an eye opening story, and it reminds us that we are truly blessed.

Holy cow, those two are in a major lip lock! They are rehearsing for Valentine’s Day, and they are giving new meaning to the term “equestrian arts.”

N=1 from Universal Health also had an exciting day involving horses in her post, Nursing in the Field (The Pasture, That Is). I love horse shows.

The Bohemian Road Nurse sees horses and so much more as she travels the backroads in her post, Heavenly Whiskey & Jim Dandy Biscuits. I wonder if she ever sees our love-birds when she’s out making her rounds.

It looks like Nurse Honor has a very special relationship going on with her patient, Mr. Wonderful. Look at the doctor in the background. He’s wondering if he should take back the box of Valentine chocolates he just bought for Nurse Honor. I hope they can work things out. Another challenge that Nurse Honor faces is providing excellent customer service. Julie from I’m OK – You Need Meds talks about providing exceptional customer service during a nursing shortage. I think everyone can identify with her frustration.

Nurses develop relationships as we care for our patients. Janet from Chocolate and Raspberries writes about the importance of developing therapeutic relationships with our patients in her post, The Boot. I love happy endings.

Judy at Tiggers Don’t Jump presents a post about a sad bridegroom in IV Escapades – Part 3. The poor guy had a rough Valentine’s Day weekend.

Keith from Digital Doorway writes about a patient who needed some extra TLC as she prepared for a test. He has a great bedside manner, which is important when developing a therapeutic relationship with a patient. Keith, you are a compassionate nurse, and a role model to us all.

Jo presents Judgements and ASSumptions posted at Coffee & Conversation in a smoky room. She tells us that we should not judge a book, or a patient, by its cover. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I just had to say that.

It looks like Nurse Austen just got a promotion because she’s now a nurse at the top. One of her friends looks happy for her, while the other man looks concerned. Maybe he knows that life “at the top” isn’t easy. Relationships with coworkers can be strained when you’re the boss. EDMGR from ED Manger: My Side of the Stretcher gives us an inside look at what it’s like to be a manager in her post, My Side of the Stretcher Continued. Being a boss is hard work.

Rita Schwab from MSSP tells us about a question asked by a JCAHO consultant in her post, Excellent Question. It’s a question that hospital administrators really need to think about. Life at the top isn’t dull.

Kris, from The Kronicles of Kris, talks about a staff in her post, The Definition of Insanity. A good boss always listens to his or her staff.

Kim at Emergiblog is hosting the next Change of Shift on February 22. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope that you have a delightful Valentine’s Day.

Look at Nurse Lori Waters snuggling with that handsome doctor, who is also a pilot. I’m sure she’s just trying to stay warm. Yeah, right! Hey Lori, take off your nurses cap and put your hood up. You’re loosing body heat through the top of your head, and don’t you know it’s not proper etiquette to wear your nurses cap outside of the hospital. On second thought, maybe she can’t take it off because it’s frozen onto her head. Lori moved to Alaska to escape the memory of heartbreak. She’s a smart girl. Nurses make big bucks in Alaska, and there are more men than women living in that state. Seems to be a win-win situation. You go, girl!

It’s stinking cold outside. I’m sitting by a space heater in my flannel pajamas trying to stay warm. I’m also diving into my second bag of Cheetos. And I wonder why I gain so much weight during the winter. My coworkers called me last night and said that snowbirds are beginning to flock in. A snowbird is defined as a homeless person who comes to the ER and states that they are suicidal so they can be admitted into the hospital. I don’t blame them a bit. We offer superb customer service, which includes three hot meals per a day, and a warm bed to sleep in at night. And let’s not forget about the flat screen televisions and the wireless Internet service available to all of our patients. Our cure rate is remarkable. Suicidal thoughts quickly fade when the weather starts warming up. Man, are we good.

I love this old ad. I can’t imagine my life without spell check. I’m working on Thursday’s edition of Change of Shift, and I’m really pleased to see that so many new bloggers are submitting post. If you haven’t sent in a post yet, email it to
nurseratchedsplace AT yahoo DOT com.

Stay warm!

Nurse Julia just remembered that she must send in her post for Change of Shift. Good thing her friend, Doctor Hunk, reminded her about the deadline. He’s already sent in his post for consideration. Have you? Please send in your posts by February 5th to nurseratchedsplace AT yahoo DOT com.

This poor guy is pouring his heart out to his psychiatrist. He’s reliving his traumatic childhood in vivid detail. He’s telling his therapist that it’s “all his mother’s fault.”Freud was all the rage when this book was first published in 1950. The publisher writes that John Knight was the pen name of a famous scientist who was suffering from depression, and that the book is a “startling confession of how he found a new and better life through psychoanalysis.”

Well, I know that I’m “just a nurse,” but I think everyone can benefit from therapy. After all, what is normal?

Over the last few weeks, I’ve received some interesting questions from some of my readers. Today, I want to address a question from “The Mental.”

Question: “ ‘They’ say that psych nurses usually go wacko themselves after several years since they are surrounded by crazy people all the time…you forget how to interact with the Outsiders. We start to rub off on you all?! (HA! I love it. It is contagious you know…) So the question is: How have you stayed sane after all these years? I have observed psych nurses crazier than me before so I know there is some truth to the saying.”

Dear “The Mental,”

The phenomenon you are referring to is called psychosis by osmosis. I coined the term when I entered psychiatric nursing. Maybe one day I’ll submit it to Wikipedia. Osmosis is the movement of water (red dots) through a semipermeable membrane to a higher concentration of solutes (blue dots). In psychosis by osmosis, the psychotic behavior, or craziness, of one individual cross over to an individual with fewer symptoms, thus making everyone a little crazy. I, too, have seen this phenomenon, and it can be really entertaining to watch.

Your question implies that I am normal. While I’m not certifiable, I have to admit that I’m a little left of center. I mean, really, I work in an abusive health care system and I don’t have the sense to get a new job. I tell my patients that there is only one major difference between us. They let their craziness run their lives while I have learned to run my craziness.

There are many things that we all can do to get on top of our insanity. For example, I write, collect books and pottery, enjoy time with my family, and I don’t think about work when I am at home. And I remember the words of Robin Williams……

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”

If you haven’t already figured it out, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I love writing. My dream is to one day write groundbreaking articles for major national publications about world events, hobnob with Hollywood’s elite, and write popular novels that are turned into movies. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she? There was a woman who lived my dream. Her name was Mary Roberts Rinehart, and she was a nurse.

Mary was born in 1876 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She entered nursing school when she was 17 years old and married a doctor when she 19. My mother would have liked this girl. She gave birth to her son, and future publisher, Stanley Marshall Rinehart, in 1897. An author’s biggest challenge is finding a publisher. I never thought about giving birth to one. In her book, My Story, published in 1931 by Farrar & Rinehart, Mary describes the training she received in nursing school, and the state of the nursing profession at the end of the 19th century. Mary wrote that in 1890, three years before she entered nursing school, there were only four hundred and seventy-one trained nurses in America. She also said that only two per cent of American women during this time had a high school education or better, and that, remarkably, thirty-two per cent of the women entering nursing schools during the same time were high school graduates. Mary’s training was rigorous, backbreaking work. She said that it molded her character, and gave her life experiences that she would later draw upon during her writing career.

Mary wasn’t exactly a stay-at-home mom. Although she was a dedicated mother, there were times when she wanted to get out of the house. Thank God her Victorian husband wasn’t a domineering jerk, and that he encouraged her to follow her dreams. Mary was the first woman war correspondent during World War I, was a world traveler, hung out with the rich and famous (see the picture of Mary hanging out with her friends Douglas Fairbanks and Cecil B. DeMille), and wrote numerous popular novels. Some of her novels were turned into movies. The phrase, “The butler did it,” came from Mary’s novel, The Door, although that exact phrasing would come later when the book was made into a play. My favorite books come from her Nurse Hilda Adams mystery series. I’ll write about those books later.

I wonder what Mary would be writing about today. I bet she’d have a blog.

Change of Shift is up at Emergiblog. Kim put together another set of great posts. I also want to thank her for supporting legislation that is pending in Congress that would establish the Office of the National Nurse. The National Nursing Network Organization is now officially a PAC (Political Action Committee, 501, C-4), and they are urgently seeking donations to help offset travel expenses as they journey to Washington lobbying for the Office of National Nurse. Please visit the National Nurse website to see how you can help.

I will be hosting the next Change of Shift on February 8th. Please send your post to nurseratchedsplace at yahoo dot com. Deadline for submissions is February 6th. The theme is about relationships, and how you relate to other people in the workplace. This is a broad subject and can include interactions you have with patients and their family members, doctors, nurses, or anyone else you come into contact with at work.

MJ

I’ve been tagged by a couple of my readers. Today’s meme is a challenge. I have to write a six-word story. This is hard for writers who revel in the joys of linguistics.

In the book, The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White, writers are told to keep their verbiage to a minimum. This is always challenging for me to do because I have so much to say. I’ve been told that I’m very opinionated, but that’s another story.

I wrote these last weekend at work:

Doctor gives garbled orders. Good grief.

Screaming patient gets Haldol. Good drugs.

Additional staff called in. Good thing.

Ordered two large pizzas. Good food.

It is quitting time. Good night!