Nurse Ratched’s Place

Anchors away! Our first group of nurses are wearing stylish government issue nursing uniforms from the turn-of-the-century, complete with corsets, high necklines, and white puffy skirts. Since these gals are the first twenty nurses appointed to the US Navy in 1908, it’s only appropriate that their nursing caps resemble little white sail boats perched on their heads. I bet these uniforms were a real treat to wear during hot weather and high tide.

Excuse me nurse, but are those swastikas on your scarf? This Latvian nurse is modeling a rare type of uniform, which was worn only by Liepaja Brigade of Nurses. Good grief, didn’t she know that dressing up like a Nazi nurse is definitely a fashion don’t. Apparently, they didn’t have fashion consultants back then. This photo is from 1928.

This young woman is modeling the popular “Angel of Mercy” look, accessorized with a red cross on her apron, and real angels flying overhead. This uniform is a tribute to French fashion sense.

Our next model looks like a contestant from the old TV show, “Queen for a Day.” She is sitting on her thrown, wearing her cape and white cap that is perched on her head like a crown. There was a time when nurses were treated like royalty. Now nurses are treated like assembly line workers. And people wonder why there is a nursing shortage.

According to the back of this picture, Claudette is wearing a Christian Dior culotte “everall,” in white drill (whatever that is) with a long zipper. Designed by Jorn Lanberg, this outfit was not worn with white nursing shoes—everyone knows you never wear white shoes after Labor Day—or a real nurses cap. The reason this uniform never caught had to do with its price tag. If your patients were throwing up on you, would you wear something expensive? The photo is dated October 17, 1971.

It’s back to the future in this electric dress designed by avant-garde artist, Atsuko Tanakas. The first electric dress was made in 1956, and was a combination of the tradition Japanese kimono and modern industrial technology. The first dress was made entirely of wires and more than one hundred colored light bulbs and neon light tubes that flashed every two and a half minutes. Today’s electric dress would make a great nursing uniform of tomorrow. Nurses could check IV at night without turning on lights and waking their patients.

I think this book was written about the nurse in this news story:

Nurse Strangles Intruder With Bare Hands By Associated Press Fri Sep 8, 3:27 PM

PORTLAND, Ore. – A nurse returning from work discovered an intruder armed with a hammer in her home and strangled him with her bare hands, police said.

Susan Kuhnhausen, 51, ran to a neighbor’s house after the confrontation Wednesday night. Police found the body of Edward Dalton Haffey, 59, a convicted felon with a long police record.

Officer Katherine Kent said homicide detectives have determined that Kuhnhausen killed Haffey in self-defense. She said a prosecutor is investigating but that the case is not expected to go to a grand jury.

Police said there was no obvious sign of forced entry at the house when Kuhnhausen, an emergency room nurse at Providence Portland Medical Center, got home from work shortly after 6 p.m.

Under Oregon law people can use reasonable deadly force when defending themselves against an intruder or burglar in their homes. Kuhnhausen was treated and released for minor injuries at Providence.

Haffey, about 5-foot-9 and 180 pounds, had convictions including conspiracy to commit aggravated murder, robbery, drug charges and possession of burglary tools. Neighbors said Kuhnhausen’s size _ 5-foot-7 and 260 pounds _ may have given her an advantage.

“Everyone that I’ve talked to says ‘Hurray for Susan,’ said neighbor Annie Warnock, who called 911. “You didn’t need to calm her. She’s an emergency room nurse. She’s used to dealing with crisis.”

After reading the story my first thought was, “She sure was loaded with adrenaline. I bet she had a bad night at work.” Afterall, there are days when I feel like killing something after I’ve had a stressful shift. Then I did a Google search and found that this is not the first time Kuhnhausen has been in the news. The Portland Business Journal published a story in 2005 about Kuhnhausen and an Oregon bill she tried to get passed that would have protected nurses from violence in the workplace. Kuhnhausen stated in the article that while working at Providence Portland emergency department, she had been punched in the face and bitten by patients, and once watched an enraged motorist drive his car though the wall of the hospital into the emergency department after his girlfriend opted not to leave the hospital with him.

Maybe that explains why she killed the guy. She was determined she wasn’t going to be a victim of violence in her own home, and prehaps pent up rage gave her the strength to defend herself. Thank God she wasn’t the one the police carried out in the body bag.

Everyone we met on Capitol Hill is concerned about the nursing shortage. There’s a crisis looming, so I’ve been giving a lot of thought to ways of dealing with the shortage. The best way to solve the nursing shortage is to pass the National Nurse Act, but until then I’ve come up with some inventive ways of dealing with the nursing shortage.

Fast Tract Nursing Programs:

One solution to the nursing shortage is to produce nurses more quickly. I suggest getting rid of all nursing programs, and replacing them with a condensed ten-week course. We can start by placing this ad in Nursing Spectrum Magazine, Nurse Week, and Advance Magazine for Nurses. Then I think we should follow up by getting a study published in one of the nursing journals touting the advantages of Fast Track nursing programs.

Cloning:

If mankind can clone sheep, why not clone nurses? This scientific break through would allow hospitals to get the nursing staff they need while saving money. Nurse recruiters would be obsolete, and hospitals would no longer have to offer competitive salaries to attract qualified nurses to their facilities. Need a nurse? Just add water to a prepared petre dish, stir gently, and incubate!

Recycling Retired Nurses:

It’s a fact, if everyone with a nursing background got back into the profession, the nursing shortage would be over. I think the first step we should take is to draft retired nurses and put them back to work. Look at this nursing home administrator. She’s telling a retired nurse living at her facility that she is passing meds today. Doesn’t our little old nurse look surprised? The administrator better look out. That nurse looks feisty.

I just got back from Washington, DC, and I’m happy to report that our elected officials love nurses. I think everyone we spoke to told us a personal story about how a nurse helped them or a member of their family. Things are looking up, and we will continue to work to get this bill passed. I’ll write more later, but now I have to go to bed. Tomorrow I’m working my 16 hour shift.

Kim, we missed you!

Just like Mr. Smith, nurses are going to Washington, DC, to advocate for their patients.

I believe that every citizen has an obligation to get involved in solving our nation’s problems, and as a nurse, I’m focused on improving the lives of my patients. That’s why I’m joining my nursing colleagues this week in Washington, DC, to lobby for the passage of H.R. 4903: The National Nurse Act of 2006. Most members of Congress don’t have a health care background, and they are interested in hearing from nurses.

I will be away from my computer for the next few days, but when I get back, I’ll tell you how things went. To learn more about the bill, visit the National Nurse website at

I guess it’s an occupational hazard. Throughout my years as a nurse, I’ve known several nurses who have fallen in love with a patient. One nurse I recall fell for a young, handsome man that had come to the hospital to have surgery on a knee that he had injured while playing touch football with his buddies. This happened before there was same day surgery, and during a time when patients spent WEEKS in the hospital recovering from surgery. I remember him well, and yes, he was a hunk. They married about a year later, and lived happily ever after. I wonder if they would have hooked up if HMOs had been around back then. I guess if a nurse is going to fall for a patient these days, it has to be love at first sight.

And of course they are tons of cheesy romance novels about doctors falling in love with their patients.

Daybreak by Frank G. Slaughter is a great example. The book was published in 1959 is about a super doc that finds a cure for Schizophrenia in six weeks, while saving a woman he falls in love with from a court ordered frontal lobotomy.

“The operation is simple: It’s called a frontal lobotomy, and it’s purpose is to pacify the violently insane. But by no means can it be called a sure cure. It may merely reduce the patient to a willing, thoughtless robot who will do anything he is told.

As a state-employed doctor, young Jim Corwin was forced to use this technique. But he drew the line with Lynn. She was young and beautiful, and she was a born artist. He would resign as a doctor before he took her wonderful talents away from her with a scalpel.

But he only had six weeks to find another way to save her. And despite the scoffing of his fellow doctors, those six weeks of continual unrelenting effort to reach an abandoned soul paid Jim Corwin back a millionfold.”

I told you he was a super doc! And look at Lynn, she beautiful and she doesn’t look hopelessly insane to me. No wonder he wanted to find a cure for Schizophrenia.

Have you known anyone to fall in love with a patient?

Three cheers, I survived another 16 hour, weekend shift. Come join me in a toast before I drift off to sleep.

Salute!

Since so many of you enjoyed the White House Cook Book recipes, I’m posting some of my favorite “health suggestions” from the book. Some of these “cures” are humdingers.

Diphtheria: A gargle of sulphur and water has been used with much success in cases of diphtheria. Let the patient swallow a little of the mixture. Or, when you discover that your throat is a little sore, bind a strip of flannel around the throat, wet in camphor, and gargle salt and vinegar occasionally.

Colds and Hoarseness:

Borax has proved a most effective remedy in certain forms of colds. In sudden hoarseness or loss of voice in public speakers or singers, from colds, relief for an hour or so may be obtained by slowly dissolving, and partially swallowing a lump of borax the size of a garden pea, or about three or four grains held in the mouth for ten or fifteen minutes before speaking or singing. This produces a profuse secretion of saliva or “watering” of the mouth and throat, just as wetting brings back the missing notes to a flute when it is too dry.

If you’re not in the mood for Borax, here’s another suggestion:

An old time and good way to relieve a cold is to go to bed for and stay there, drinking nothing, not even water, for twenty-four hours, and eating as little as possible. Or go to bed, put your feet in hot mustard and water, put a bran or oatmeal poultice on the chest, take ten grains of Dover’s powder, and an hour afterwards a pint of hot gruel; in the morning rub the body all over with a coarse towel, and take a dose of aperient medicine.

Don’t forget to stock your medicine cabinet with oatmeal.

Relief From Asthma: (I swear I’m not making this up).

Sufferers from asthma should get a muskrat skin and wear it over their lungs with the fur side next to the body. It will bring certain relief. Or, soak blotting paper in saltpetre water, then dry, burning at night in the patient’s bedroom.

How do you get a muskrat to stay in your medicine cabinet and not come out until you need it?

This belonged to my great-grandmother, my great-aunt, my grandmother, and then it was passed down to me. The White House Cook Book, A Comprehensive Cyclopedia of Information For the Home, was first published in 1887. This edition was published in 1912.

Before there were HMOs, PPOs, and primary care physicians, there was the White House Cook Book, A Comprehensive Cyclopedia of Information For the Home.

Housewives used this cookbook, as well as others published at the turn of the century, as a health care resource book. My favorite chapter in the White House Cook Book is “For the Sick.” In the beginning of this chapter, the authors write, “Dishes for invalids should be served in the daintiest and most attractive way; never send more than a supply for one meal; the same dish too frequently set before an invalid often causes distaste, when perhaps a change would tempt the appetite.” Here are some of my favorite recipes from that chapter. Nurses, take notes. You’ll be tested over this material the next time someone you know gets the vapors.

Beef Tea:

One Pound of lean beef, cut into small pieces. Put into a glass-canning jar, without a drop of water, cover tightly and set in a pot of cold water. Heat gradually to a boil and continue this steadily for three or four hours, until the meat is like white rags and the juice is drawn out. Season with salt to taste and, when cold, skim.

Arrowroot Milk Porridge:

One large cupful of fresh milk, new if you can get it, one cupful of boiling water, one teaspoonful of arrowroot, wet to a paste with cold water, two teaspoonfuls of white sugar, a pinch of salt. Put the sugar into the milk, the salt into the boiling water, which should be poured into a farina kettle. Add the wet arrowroot and boil, stirring constantly until it is clear; put in the milk and cook ten minutes, stirring often. Give while warm, adding hot milk should it be thicker than gruel.

Doesn’t this sound good. But wait, there’s more!

Toast Water, or Crust Coffee:

Take stale pieces of crust of bread, the end pieces of the loaf, toast them a nice, dark brown, care to be taken that they do not burn in the least, as that affects the flavor. Put the browned crusts into a large milk pitcher, and pour enough boiling water over to cover them; cover the pitcher closely, and let steep until cold. Strain, and sweeten to taste; put a piece of ice in each glass. This is also good, drank warm with cream and sugar, similar to coffee.

We all may be using these home remedies if drug cost keep going up, and HMO’s continue to block patients from getting the care they need. Anyone hungry for a nice hot bowl of gruel?

Print by Andy Warhol

John Mark Karr, the man claiming to be the murderer of JonBenet Ramsey, has been the topic of conversation on our unit for the last couple of weeks. Everyone has something to say, and as I listen to the news, I wonder what Sigmund Freud would think about this guy. My boy Freud, the founder of the psychoanalytic school of psychology, is best known for his studies of sexual desire, repression, and the unconscious mind. If Freud were alive today, I imagine he would be discussing the case a guest commentator for Fox News. Karr is the embodiment of the Id, the part of the psyche that contains primitive desired such as hunger, rage, and sex. And as we all know, shows about primitive desires boost television ratings.